A Personal Essay On Friendship

co-published with Lucky Rigatoni

May 28, 2024

The way friendships and social circles change in adulthood is jarring. These changes happen to most people but for me it was unexpected and seemed to come all at once.

In February of 2022, I was attending an annual Galentine's Day party. I had been to this party every February 13th for 4 years so it wasn't weird when I chose to show up alone. When I walked in the door, I found that I didn't know anyone. None of my security-friends were in the room. I quickly put down my hotdish offering and made my way outside to smoke and avoid any forced meetings. Standing there by myself, I heard the porch door open and when I turned around Kelsey was standing behind me. She was petite and adorable. She exuded girlish innocence. She introduced herself to me and said “I read your newsletter.” I told her I didn't think anyone read my newsletter. Thus beginning a beautiful friendship marked by her dutiful campaign to quell my imposter syndrome.

I would shortly thereafter go through a big break up and start living alone for the first time in 8 years, completely reconfiguring my idea of myself for the better. As I adapted into someone whom I loved, Kelsey was there to hold a mirror in front of me. She gracefully became a relentless cheerleader. She made me feel like a cool person and, more importantly, a good friend.

She would hold my hand as I began to pursue a relationship with Ryan, secretly analyzing screenshot texts. Then, flawlessly form her own close friendship with him, completely separate from me. Kelsey is thoughtful, and gentle, and hilarious. She’s smart, and interesting, and self-assured. She sends postcards from Paris. She calls Alison Roman “Aly” as if they’re old friends. She invites me over for dinner and silently sits back as I take over her kitchen. When she takes the first bite she says “oh fuck!” She not only allows me to be exactly who I am, she celebrates it. When I think I suck, she tells me why I’m wrong. She is a cool person and, more importantly, a good friend.

Walking back into that party with her was entering the next phase of my adult relationships. The friendships that were developed over that year have carried me through and brought me more fulfillment than I could ever measure. I am very lucky to have so many people in my life who love me right back. It’s the coolest thing. It makes it all worth it.

This issue of the brothmailer is being co-published alongside tonight’s issue of Kelsey’s newsletter, Lucky Rigatoni. Follow the link below to read my sister post.

AN ACROSTIC ESSAY ON FRIENDSHIP